"What's wrong?"
"Nothing."
"Okay. Then, what's right?"

I never really bothered answering this question even if you're too stubborn about it. It's not that I don't have an answer, I'm just saving it for the right time, the right moment. And I smile inside whenever you ask me this, because the question brings me to a time, particularly, the right time, my life is about to change.

"But what about YOU? What do YOU feel?"

I feel remorseful hearing this question in my head. Yes, most of the time, I never made myself clear regarding my emotions. Maybe because I'm too scared to admit that I'm also scared, just like you. Scared for I can't change how I feel about you. That I'm only waiting for you to call me whenever we fuck things up. Please, I promise to answer the call, because I really, really miss you. That I lied when I told you I'm not ready to wear your ring on my finger. Come home with the ring, as previously planned. Because I changed my mind. I'm scared we might not last, but now I am ready to make this last with you.

"What do YOU want from me?"

That I don't want you to stop writing about me. I don't want you to love and care for somebody else. That you're the only person I've ever come to love this much, even if you're seven thousand something miles away. Because nobody really compares to you. That I'm hopeful we can still make this work. I don't want to work it out with somebody else. That you're really the only person who understands me even if I tell you otherwise. With you, everything feels comfortable. That I don't want to live without you even if I always push you away. I want to stay, leaving you hurts me a lot. I want you to stay, so much.

But I regret, most of all, how the simplest and most truthful answer could've easily stopped all the exchange of hurtful words. How these three words could've easily brought us back together on track.

I love you.
I need you.
I am sorry.

And maybe, there's never really a right time for these words.

Maybe, the right moment is never going to come. Not anymore.
Maybe, I just missed making the best decision in my entire life.

Labels: Emotions, Notes, Personal