BEAUTIFUL, I have to tell you something important right now. It can't wait because, you know, I might never get the chance to say it (but well, no matter what happens though, you know I'll find a way to say it, but I'm just being all urgent here, allow me please. Thank you.) 

Well, you know the thing about having dry wall for the apartment is that you hear whatever's going on in the other room. I'm talking about mom and dad (but NO, not the dirty way, you. Shame on those thoughts! I'm kidding). Every single night I hear them snore, but not only do I hear them snore in deep sleep, I hear them snore 'together', and that even at some point for how many years now, to me the snores already sound so reciprocal, that one would definitely follow the other's, and on and on it goes. What happened is when dad got his new job at the Winnipeg Transit, and then he worked odd hours sometimes, mom's snore would be the only one, and I don't care how you might think me weird now (I will explain myself later) but to me hearing her snore without the follow-through from dad...it just sounds sad, and alone. I guess it's something about growing older, they snore so loud,or maybe it's the dry wall that's not as good as concrete although it's better for our weather here, I digress, but what I'm trying to say is that the togetherness they share, the years of getting so used to this snoring so loud and exchanging air in that way, it makes them who they are, too. A couple. Partners. Best friends. Lovers. The snoring duet. 

Made me think about love a lot. I know it's a peculiar way of thinking about love, but by this time you really wouldn't wonder why, and I too have accepted your firm conclusion that I'm just weird, BUT you have to give it to me on this one, right? Somehow, no matter how weird this is, it makes sense.. See, in the morning, they complain about each other's snoring when the other falls asleep sooner than the other, and then therefore the other cannot sleep right away cause, "Your dad snores too loud." or "Your mom just snores so loud." (whoever goes first), but really, when they sleep together and the snoring is neither justifiable nor a problem, it's just what it is and who they are. They still sound so good together, even in sleep. 

Hey bubb, I'm really just feeling through this all this time: us. It has been so crazy, so up and down and everywhere and for some time we've kind of been lost somewhere in translations of how we really mean to each other. We poked at a few wrong things, and said some very mean ones, and we danced around in the wrong rhythm far too many times but I guess the good thing towards the end is how we admitted to each other, that both of us have two left feet and we should just work it out that way. All I know are these things, let me say them once and for all, and yes I may have the chance to repeat them but right now, right this moment is one that I cannot lose. So here: 

I think about you and I smile at how your eyes grow when you listen to what I say, and how no one could give me that stare. I know, I know sometimes I bore you because I talk too much, but it's in the way that you'd still look back at me and it's as if you're telling me you could live with these stories even if I've already told you about them. When we share the things we like, the documentaries, the films, the funny little trinkets on some sites like weheartit.com or whatever funky site you discover - it's like a world you share with me, no matter how peculiar it all ends up we still laugh at how we both agree or disagree, or agree and disagree about these things all at the same time. I think about you and I see you with me on the travels that I used to dream up alone. See, before you, I had thought about going to India, Singapore, Japan, Thailand, Europe (backpacking), all of the Americas (North, South), Africa, et. al. BUT, I loved myself that much that I only pictured me and my camera, and my backpack and other luggages on these trips. Then YOU happened, and suddenly not any of those trips am I ever buying only one plane ticket. It's then when you came along that all those trips meant buying TWO plane tickets. ALWAYS. Then it's almost as though I could already see us laughing on the plane ride because we can't make out the food on the plane going to Africa, and we say, "This must be exotic. Come on, bubb, taste it. You go first." It's almost as if I can see the colours of the women's Saris in your photos of India, and we sit all night long in front of our laptops choosing the frames we would have printed and up on our photo wall when we go back home. It's as if I could already see you as the foreground on the most beautiful photo I would ever take of France. And all the other frames would be courtesy of our trusty tripod that would witness those moments when we wanted to be alone, together, in a frame that captures the haze of the city in the background, but us so serene in an embrace in the foreground, or perhaps a kiss, perhaps both. 

This would probably be another one of those letters I write you that won't receive a reply. But no, I'm not mad, nor anything else at all but HAPPY. I am smiling now because I remember, I remember so well how I only thought of one thing really, whenever we fight - "don't come back to only one plane ticket each travel, because even as of this moment you know, you know those travels and anything else in your life will never be the same without her".. 

I want to hear you snore when you sleep. Maybe you snore louder than me. I don't know, maybe I do? I don't care. If I sleep right next to you each night, I know we'd always sound good together (okay, I allow even the naughty thoughts in your head now). I guess I'll never be able to write everything in a single note, but I know I'll never really tire of writing to you, and about you. This is one of them. One of the many of them. 

Marry me, Eina. Marry me as soon as you can, as soon as we can. Because I'd also like to know that there's no more turning back, that this is where we're headed. Because I'd also love to love you, this way and more...for always. Because I want you to have all of me, in the entirety of my person (snores and coffee breath). 

I LOVE YOU. 


P.S. During your night shifts, I get to watch you sleep in daylight. When you sleep facing up and you breathe deeply, and your body sets out in that pattern of slow breaths... I'd like to feel that. Forever. 

P.P.S. Dinner tonight? Please, and thank you.